you leave me washed up begging for more

i succumbed and i feel dirty

lmao

i've moved to tumblr

please forgive me, blogger

i daresay i shall realise how rash i have been and return to you soon

www.thisisgaywastaken.tumblr.com

curse you :|

just trash, me and you, it's in everything we do

so, gcses are over and my first three days back have been fun and games!

although i am rather shattered today, i shall have plenty more fun and games to go! wow i'm on a roll. i am trying to get out of the "nothing interesting happens in my life" mindset. because..interesting things are going on. and now, i'd rather they wouldn't. LMAO. i really am a big fat fail. i have come to terms that i am half a person in every respect, every (think about that). so i can never do anything. because the other half tells me not to.

I think, i can't connect to people, and if someone likes me but i don't feel a connection, i can't pursue it, even though that's probably the only person who likes me. what a pickle.

anyway that's not bothering me too much, i am convinced everything will fall in its right place if you don't think about it, and maybe this isn't the right place.

ok anyway, i'm still happy. i went to camden two days ago and bought a nice floral skirt (NOT A CLICHE ONE) it was brown and yes, really quite nice. a crop mickey mouse novelty-looking top, i don't even know why i bought it, but it is quite nice. and a gypsy looking dress, also floral (but also not cliche) i have wanted some nice floral things for ages and i finally got it.

i know there's an answer

i'm irritatingly mellow right now. i'm too calm for two days before GCSES, and whilst everyone around me is completely freaking out for various reason i'm just patronisingly "patting them on the head". but i just feel like everyone is too unappreciative.

sure you're in trouble or sure you have gcses BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE ALIVE AND HAVE A WHOLE WORLD (not to mention a whole universe) out there. there's so much, so much, out there and people waste their lives feeling sorry for themselves. if you're upset go outside. play chess. read. draw. amuse yourself. create a whole world in your head. don't sit in your room and sulk like a pmsing bitch.

ok i need to clarify something, i feel eyebrows raising. being pissed off is fine, it's healthy. being SAD is fine, it's necessary. but sulking for days on end and forgetting everything because of stress or whatever is just annoying; precious time is ticking away.

that's a valuable lesson i've learn over the past year and i can honestly say i haven't been properly stressed, stroppy or 'depressed' for more than half an hour for a long time and it feels great. i really am very different from then hmm

anyway mind you, like the hypocritical bitch that i am if i get anything less than three a*s i'll be duly thrown off my pedestal and proceed to completely losing my head for a day or so. but for now, life is SWEET. i can almost taste it.

better run run run run run run run away

you learn something new everyday, i learnt that musicals are bad today. the singing ruins the acting, and the acting ruins the singing. they should just never, never mix and stick to where they are. As soon as you mix two thinks you have to make both a bit shitter, and it is annoying. I saw blood brothers, it was a good story and the acting was good but to be honest the singing just ruined it for me. I found myself trying to make myself feel sad at the end when they both died, but I just couldn't do it, so I just sat stony faced throughout the rest of the performance.

my main annoyance today is girls who like to fashion themselves the quiet, shy heroine of typical girl films eg. bella from twilight. Most of these girls are simply people with not much personality that believe in an idyllic ending resulting in the best looking boy dumping his girlfriend and falling in love with them. these people spend their whole lives waiting for their edward cullen, who never comes. lmao

oh days listening to my chemical romance. I think deep down my inner emo (LOL) still likes listening to them

picture book of people with each other, to prove they love each other

serious kinks loving at the moment, going through one of those phases.

I'm reading Tortilla Flat by john steinbeck at the moment, I love his writing style; it's not ostentatiously full of long complex sentences and unnecessary vocabulary. In fact, his sentences are quite simple and short, but I think that enunciates the effect

I've been thinking about hypocritical romantic behaviour. Many people always take a cynical view on traditional cliche romance before they have the chance to be involved in it. And as soon as they find their one and only they become sickeningly infatuated, much to the annoyance of everyone around them. And before you raise your eyebrow and think: "just because she's bitter," i'm not, I love romance, if it's not sickening, soppy "i love you, you mean the world to me." I think true romance is the sonnet shakespeare wrote, sonnet 130? "my mistress's eyes are nothing like the sun etc.." It's realistic and truthful and that makes it beautiful if anything- hyperboles are horrible. I hate "she is the most beautiful girl in the world." of course they're not. Do people who say this honestly think they have never seen a better looking person, and when this relationship eventually ends they will most likely find someone new to take the place of the previously unconquerable position of "most beautiful girl in the world.

I hate "i love you" even more. If you love someone saying I love you makes no difference at all. It is a word that anyone can say, and the reason girls always complain about being broken hearted is because they were dumb enough to listen to three words, and words are all they are, that are so, so easy to say. So easy to say that it has lost all its meaning, anyway. The amount of times I have seen girls telling each other they love each other when in reality they hate each other. I guess on the occasion that you're feeling a strong surge of affection it's ok, but really, at the end of every text, every conversation.

Don't say you love someone publicly if you wouldn't say it to them in person.

Don't worry, if this happens to me and I become a soppy infatuated ponce you have my permission to remind me of this time, and to call me as hypocritical as you please

turnitupturnitupturnitupturnitupturnitupturnitupp

forgot about robots in disguise.

..well today has just been lovely, hasn't it? i had two tests, de-activated my facebook when i came home, revised for three hours, and did absolutely nothing nice today, apart from sit on the field during rounders in the sun hitting my back, but the breeze interfering just at the right time, and learn interesting things about astronomy.

Furthermore, I was again the butt of all the school's totalitarian regime. apparently taking my earrings and hair accessories out and rolling my skirt down isn't enough. no, now i have to "stand straight" and "brush my hair - it's not as tidy as it should be." :| i, for one, refuse to stand down and allow the school to "rectify" me. It's complete facism. I'm going to backcomb my hair just to be annoying. I know smartass stuff like that is what gets me in trouble in the first place, but i just can't help it.

nice boring blog for today, my life for the next two weeks is going to be nothing but electrolysis and mitosis. fml. i know it's annoying, but sometimes fml is necessary. having a standard life is worse than having a bad one and i stick to that, although not boring because i amuse myself and this arrangement is only temporary i say

walk across the garden in the footsteps of my shadow

slowly broadening my shoegaze horizons beyond my bloody valentine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbBq5W1v6p0 i especially love this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7FqUNlEdwA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YtB4kxfQPs

Asides from that, i've been meaning to write many blogs about politics, music, happenings and i've made mental notes but i have forgotten them all. I'd like to put my inactivity down to revising, but that's really not the case. I SHOULD be revising, but i simply can't be bothered.

On Friday I stayed at home, tired from watching politics on 4:30, and thoroughly depleted after watching the number of lib dem seats fall. i should think they would do SLIGHTLY better, but everyone played safe i guess. hung parliament, i like it. I like the fact that even though the lib dems haven't done well they still get to ultimately decide. tory coalition is inevitable, they might have done it already, i haven't kept up with politics since friday, i don't even know what's going on right now, I will have to see. David Cameron is a horrible shade of pink that makes me slightly nauseous, I don't think I could stand to see him prime minister. I think if the voting age had been lowered the lib dems would have done much better, oh well. It would have been nice if they won, or the monster raving loony party. now, i am not saying this because i'm being typically "wacky and weird." I have read their manifesto, and some of their suggestions are very sensible. England would be far more..fun, albeit shambolic. There is a squiggly red line under "shambolic," but I am PRETTY sure that it is a word. hmm

Oh on saturday I realised I had more money on my card than anticipated, so i went to my favourite place when i have a spare ten pounds: Primark. I bought a loose grey skirt that can go with anything for two pounds, those spotty tights i have wanted for so long and a checkered skirt that fits well but which i'm guessing i'll never wear. I was walking to sutton when a big group of raucous chavs called out: "YOU LOOK LIKE LADY GAGA LOVE" and "ALRIGHT GAWJUSS." That's all fine, but a bit later I got a: "she looks like santa claus-what a stupid hat" referring to my ferret hat, one of my favourites. It's ironic, being called santa claus by someone twice the size of me. heh. I watched the unborn later, films are getting less original. True say it was quite scary, mindfucking, and i found it scarier than something like the shining because it was dealing with the paranormal, and the random screaming little scary ghost boy who made shock appearances throughout the whole film didn't help much, but i didn't actually find myself scared.

yeah bye all, i'm not going on the computer until the 28th of may, i need to really revise. this is going to fail, i know.

oh yeah, i'm in shit when i go to school tomorrow, i didn't go on friday when i was meant to get lectured and shouted at. they're going to think i bunked, and i will get in more trouble. my form tutor told me he wants to get me into as much trouble as i possibly can. lovely, eh