it's spitting, angels die with you

i love crystal castles at the moment, so raw and electronic. listening to their lyrics though, they seem to make no sense. i think, nowadays, you can say absolute poppycock but people will always find a way to make it sound deep and meaningful, and when stated that it is complete poppycock that person is said to be stupid and not able to see the deeper truth. i've come to terms with myself that i shouldn't constantly search for deeper truth when, most probably, there is no deeper truth.

i haven't blogged for a while, mainly because people wrote on my formspring like, i like your blog, you should write in it, hence i felt pressurised and decided not to

anything happened from now and last time i blogged? i honestly don't think so. I've been revising. Revising is one of the only things that makes me depressed at the moment. it's the thing that "opens the doors" as it were, which makes me think more depressing things. i feel like my precious life is slowly sifting away from me, like a sand timer. and the sand particles where i could have had fun, relaxed, or not what i want are being wasted and i don't even see them. it's really, really horrible, and i just lose all will to live because all i'm doing is this menial task.

but whatever i'm fine i guess, i'm slowly becoming meaner to my intense amusement, but i'm becoming nicer at the same time, i honestly don't know how two complete opposites work together in one, maybe i have split personality. one minute i look at someone and think of a quite frankly horrible way to describe them, and then i see something else really happy, smile, and feel like a good, kind person. yet i don't have any of these rifts within myself constantly like you would expect. i'm still finding myself, and i guess it's quite hard to find yourself on your own. i think i'm going to spend my whole life finding myself, finally realise when i'm 82 and die.

here's a question for you all that i've been wondering about today. if the whole universe was destroyed, everything completely obliterated, would objects still be. for example, would i still be maria. because i would be gone, of course but i would have been, but then there would have been no record of me, and no time. oh another thing, in complete, infinite nothingness where nothing happens, is there time?