well well well
i'm a bit annoyed
and rightly so, i should think
and no, i'm keeping my resolution
i have abstained so far: day two, woo
but, can i just tell you all how i have wasted
a whole hour of my life, being exceptionally awkward
and wanting to hit someone. BASICALLY, the school thought
they'd look "concerned" and invited my dad to discuss my progress
ok this is too much effort trying to make my words follow a pyramid pattern
but it adds fun diversity don't you think? ANYWAY, rambling, sorry. so basically, i had to endure three of my "concerned teachers" shoot utter crap about how they were concerned and wanted me to do well. they don't give a shit if i fail, because it will be them looking bad, and they only want to save their own necks. I had to stop myself from laughing, they were so ludicrous. Even my dad seemed to think so. I spoke to my dad for the first time in ages, and discussed stabilising the economy and space travel. I might just have to be cliché here and say "God, i'm cool." I realise I do this all the time, but i realised how annoying it sounds so i'm going to try and stop saying all these stupid catchphrases.
As I expected, my attitude to people hasn't changed at all. I don't think it ever will. BUT, my attitude to LIFE has changed. I didn't worry once today, which is pretty cool. I'm detaching myself from any kind of negligible trifles that used to bother me so. SO i was, well, happy. Even though happiness is deceit, just like hope, and i don't like those sorts of things. Anyway, thinking about all of this is going to make me worry, and i'm listening to coldplay, which isn't exactly the best "feel good" music. I'm in a mood for old beatles, eight days a week, can't buy me love, please please me, all those classsics.
I have a quote for you all, even though people in my english class will already have read this, i take it very close to heart. It's from our book antigone, and when told to "live, and be happy" she replies with:
"I spit on your happiness! I spit on your idea of life--that life that must go on, come what may. You are all like dogs that lick everything they smell. You with your promise of a humdrum happiness--provided a person doesn't ask much of life. I want everything of life, I do; and I want it now! I want it total, complete: otherwise I reject it! I will not be moderate. I will not be satisfied with the bit of cake you offer me if I promise to be a good little girl. I want to be sure of everything this very day; sure that everything will be as beautiful as when I was a little girl. If not, I want to die!"
Makes you think, doesn't it. Even though it's quite depressing
so on a less depressing note: my mother came back from Romania yesterday and got me a fur coat, and a ring :D:D:D that's one thing off my Christmas list. I REALLY want doc martens though
SO MUCH
the flower patterned ones, or light pink ones or dark purple ones or light blue ones
flower patterned ones are £85 though. saddening, but then again, if we wished to get everything we wanted, "want" and "wish" wouldn't exist, and with the abolishment of that, neither would satisfaction, and that would make nothing seem valuable anymore. think about that. anyway, i can see i've spoken too much yet again. but there's so much to say when the world is so full of colour and word and opinion and idea. it's quite beautiful if you think about it
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