we're sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band, we hope you will enjoy the show

oh i haven't written in here for like, a week. no inspiration, again. I think the lack of food is making me a thoroughly unmotivated, lethargic person. I've embarked on a physiological examination of what happens if you don't eat. so far i've been, uh, doing it for two weeks? I want to see what it does to my behaviour, and if it makes me "forget my problems" like it makes some people. Yeah so far i've just lost quite a bit of weight, my bones are prominent again, i really like it actually. I'm all-round skinnier, which is safe. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels :)

but i must admit, i feel very drained, tired, uninspired. I can't think either. Or feel sad. I don't think I like being apathetic. I'm going to do this until new year i think, and see what i'm like then. Unless i become a raging anorexic/bulimic. hah. I doubt it.

Yeah anyway my week has been kind of weird. I guess I could say it's been good because of unforeseen circumstances. But i'm quite worried on how much my happiness relies on former circumstances. sigh. Sorry i'm being "naive" and "cryptic"

but honestly certain things are quite easy to guess, even though i don't particularly want people to know.

I'm not very excited for christmas to be honest. I'm trying, but i just don't feel it. i guess that's not a bad thing, just a neutral thing.

I have been quite jokes recently though, to myself. no-one else finds me that funny really, but if something amuses me, whether it amuses others is trivial to me.

I AM looking forward to the holidays though. I get scared that i'm going to be doing nothing all holiday though. this year's gone so quick. and yet, quite a lot has happened. I've managed to find my niche, which is the most beautiful thing. i've been hurt though. ew that sounds annoying. I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though. Heh i've developed a side to me i didn't have before, anyway. i think i love it. my despondent, cynical, misanthropic, masochistic side. I've still got my optimistic, peaceful "i love the world and nature" side. but i guess the other one is usually more prominent. yeah sorry apparently a blog isn't meant to be about you. it's meant to be about other things. so, sorry...