it's just what all young lovers do

i'm listening to the maccabees, i don't really like them, but about your dress is nice

i did something social for the second time this week. well, i just went round my friends, ate a lot of food, "caught up," played scrabble and watched horror films. so just like, a mellow day really. we watched poltergeist, which was awful. i love horror films, but i still have to see one which will proper scare me and send shivers down my spine. most horror films don't really, stick, because you know that it's all being directed and i can imagine it all being filmed etc. anyway, most of them are hysterically funny because they're so fake.

i've been packing for belgium tomorrow, and i have to go to sleep early. early meaning ten thirty, ridiculously early. still taking more photos. that's what i wore today. all the pictures of my face were too ridiculously butters. i cut my hair in a vain attempt to make myself feel better, but none of the pictures look nice, so i can't put it up. i have a block fringe now. my grandfather gave me that scarf yesterday. all the old people stared at me when i got on the bus today. i've never seen a more depressing bus. there was not ONE person younger than 50. i had to listen to their dull conversations hoping i'd never be that old. i'm hoping to die pretty young. as Kurt Cobain said "it's better to go with a bang than fizzle out with a pop." i want to die at the peak of my life, i'll die happiest, and i don't think i can bear waking up day after day knowing i'm slowly heading to decline.

erm, depressing things aside, i realised i find 40-50 ish men so attractive. The fitch twins' dad in skins is so good looking. same as colin firth. when he was in pride and prejudice, mmm. same as dr cox in scrubs. i know it's weird, but he's strangely attractive. jonny depp when he's older also

my dad's screaming at me now. it's ten thirty, oh dear me, i better go to sleep. he frustrates me so much, i haven't gone to sleep at this time for at least five years. i hate sleeping, because i get depressing and disturbing thoughts before i go to sleep, so i make myself as tired as possible, and go to sleep at two or something.